A Cruel Mistress
by Twitch Hopeless-Savage
Summary: Death is a cruel mistress to keep. And as her lover, Lucius Malfoy is not exempt from her haunting powers. Death is reaching her fingers out for him... And much hilarity ensuses as Lucius does numerous stupid things to reverse the aging process! Kinda per
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own anything affiliated with Harry Potter. So if you recognize it from the books, it ain't mine. So don't sue me, I'm just a humble fan boy bent of the destruction of the cannon world. Good day.

A Cruel Mistress

Narcissa Malfoy took a bite out of her blueberry muffin and switched the radio on. The sun was shining through the bay window, illuminating the vast amounts of crystal in the cabinets adorning the dining rooms walls. Little rainbows filled the room. A soft song began to play about a young witch who had lost the love of her life when he was put under the spell of an ugly hag. Narcissa tapped her perfectly manicured nails on the ebony wood of the table and continued to eat her muffin.

"NO! FUCK! WHY ME!"

Lucius clamored into the room in his green silk dressing robes, his chest rapidly moving up and down. His grey eyes were staring straight ahead in utter mortification. "I'm dying," he told his wife simply, trying not to scream and shout with terror.

"Dear lord! What's wrong!" Narcissa dropped her muffin on the table and dashed over to her husband, grabbing his arm to keep him standing, "Are you sick?" She examined his face for some sign of what ailed him. She expected to see death creeping all over his skin.

"Life is over for me," he began to weep, falling into a chair, clutching to his wife's arm. "My years are numbered. One of my beautiful feet stands in the gateway of death." He shook his head to try and loosen a thought crammed up in somewhere to no avail.

"WHAT IS WRONG!" Narcissa pleaded, shaking her husband. It must be so ghastly if he couldn't say. Lucius was usually straightforward about things. She began to weep as well, imagining a life without him in it. They had been together for so long. "Please tell me."

Lucius shuttered. "It's terrible, honey. I couldn't subject you to it. You just have to believe that I am dying." His nails dug into his wife's porcelain skin.

"You can't be?" Narcissa's weeping became loud sobs. Her tears began to soak Lucius' robes. She pounded on his chest, trying to beat the sickness out of him. "YOU CAN'T BE!" He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close. Struggling, Narcissa screamed and moaned, trying to drown out the images of her husbands dead body from her head. But Lucius still held her tight. Eventually Narcissa's body became limp and she rested against her husband's firm body, her crying now broken and quiet. "Don't leave me…" she said simply, kissing the bare skin in the open neck of his robes. "I don't want to be alone."

"You have to be strong, baby. For Draco, and yourself. I won't leave you with nothing. You'll be taken care of for a few more years." He began to pet her blonde hair, staring at his reflection in the china cabinet. In his mind's eye he could see his face getting loose and wrinkly as he began to die, the hair on his head grayed then fell out.

Puffy, red eye lids shut over pupils dilated in fear. He clutched to his wife even harder not wanting to let go of the life he had built around himself.

"Please, honey. Tell me what's wrong." Narcissa asked, nuzzling his chest. "I have to know." Moments before pure light had filled the room. Now the light was muted and everything was cast with dark shadows of sorrow and fear. The world had been draped in funeral shrouds.

Lucius sighed, holding back the tears that had before flowed freely. Frail behavior on his wife's part had shown him that he had to be strong for her now, he couldn't die knowing that she would forever see him as a broken and scared man. The last memory his family was to have of him was that of valor and bravery in the face of death. "I found… I found… Oh Merlin…" His hands were quivering and bile rose up in his throat, he couldn't do it… it was too horrible

Narcissa's eyes widened in fear. Her eyes ceased to blink as she waited for the answer. "It's okay," she whispered, her voice bringing some semblance of peace to his mind. "I'll be here for you. Always and forever."

Lucius nodded and started to say something. His voice was shaky and broken and Narcissa had to strain to hear what he said.

"I found… a… a… I found a… grey hair… I'm old… I'm dying…" He collapsed into a heap against his wife the tears of dread and resignation spilling out of him. Already his body felt weak from the impending death. There was still so much he wanted to do, so much he wanted to say, so much he wanted to see. And now there was no chance that would ever happen. Death was a cruel mistress to court and in the end she always turned on her lovers, like everyone does eventually.

Narcissa just sat there in disbelief, relieved that her husband wasn't going to die, angry that he was so stupid, but amused at the same time. A single tear was suspended on her flushed cheeks, but it didn't fall, just dried in the unadulterated sunlight that was now streaming back into the room. It took all of her will power to no burst into fits of hysterical laughter. He was going to live… he was going to live… but he was so damn stupid.

She reached up and caressed his face. "Everything will be all right." She was going to put off pointing out his "little" mistake. The decision not to tell Lucius the truth was a clever ruse on Narcissa's part to see if Lucius would change his ways and be nicer to the people around him so he could make the best of the few precious days he had left on this mortal plain.

Just then Draco meandered into the room, munching on a muffin. Lucius looked up in alarm. Gone were the tears and weary tone. "Can't you see me and your mother are having a moment to ourselves? I'm dying you ungrateful brat. Go to your room until I call you down!"

Draco looked at the bemused look on his mother's face and the angry sorrowful face of his father, shook his head in a way the meant his entire family was loony and trudged out of the room, muttering something about weird sexual role-plays.

Apparently Lucius was going to be the same crabby self he always was.

"Lucius we need to talk about your grey hair." Her husband shuttered at the thought while hoping his death would be painless. "Well it's just that…"


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two:

Lucius sat on the edge of his granite bathtub staring at himself in the mirror. Narcissa's words were a jumble in his brain, bouncing back and forth like bunnies of doom. The entire situation had replayed almost exactly like "The Talk" when he was a teenager, only it wasn't made interesting by the promise of sex and constant horniness. Instead it was rife with grey hairs, wrinkles, and a decrease in sex drive. How depressing was that? Lucius just couldn't take it; now that he had been told all the signs of aging that's all he could see when he looked in the mirror.

"Draco!" Lucius called, getting to his feet. His silk bathrobe was like liquid on his body, the sunlight setting the fabric in motion. "Draco, can you please come here for a moment?"

While he waited for his son to show up Lucius sauntered over to the full length mirror hanging on the wall and studied his reflection carefully. The lines of his face weren't as defined as they once were. Growing up he had been compared to the Muggle Statue of David, every part of him had been toned and chiselled. Now, Lucius undid the tie of his robe and let it pool at his feet so that he was staring at his naked reflection, he had gone slightly to seed. He was still fit, but the years that spanned from his adolescent years to his mid-forties had seen an increase in body mass and a decrease in muscle definition.

There was a knock on the door. "Come in," Lucius said, turning around to get a good view of his butt. "Damn it!" Narcissa had been right, it wasn't a tight as it used to be. Draco's face appeared in the mirror right behind his left shoulder looking completely stunned.

"I'm so out of here." He turned to leave but Lucius magicked the door shut just as Draco was turning the handle. "Dad, go right ahead and have your mid-life crisis, but please don't involve me."

"Draco, we never spend any time together. Can you give this old man just a little bit of your time?" Lucius gave his son exaggerated puppy dog eyes, still standing there completely nude as on the day he was born.

Sighing Draco looked from the door to his father, weighing his options. Since there was no way he was going to get out of the room he might as well play along for awhile, just to placate the old fool enough to keep him off his back for a few more months until their next "Bonding Day". "Fine, but you can at least put some clothes on?"

"No," Lucius said simply, returning to inspecting every inch of his body thoroughly. "It's not like you don't see this all the time. You share a dorm with four other guys." He manically picked at a mole on the side of his thigh.

"Merlin, why me?" Draco muttered, completely confused by his parent's behaviour. You would think that being evil and all they would somehow be supercool. It may still be true for other evil parents, but Narcissa and Lucius definitely missed the memo by a long shot. He had once walked in on them playing Twister while wearing bondage clothes. His reaction was to slowly close the door so that they wouldn't know that he saw and then absorbing himself in his History of Magic book to try and drill out the images. Needless to say, it didn't work.

Lucius abandoned his peculiar activities to stare at Draco carefully from all angles. "Can you take your clothes off, son?" This was said as if it was the most normal thing on the planet earth. Which, of course, it wasn't.

"What?" Draco stuttered, turning to keep in pace with his father's circling. "Why in the world would I take my clothes off?"

Lucius stopped, placing his hand on his hip. With a deep sigh he looked his son straight in the face. "Because I want to compare your body to mine. I want to examine how much I've aged."

"You've aged a lot, dad. You are in your forties now." This was far surpassing the Twister incident by leaps and bounds. "We don't need to compare bodies to figure that out."

"Draco, just do it. Remember, you live in a dorm room..."

"I know, Dad. Trust me, I know. But it's still weird to strip in front of your father so he can examine you. That just ventures into screwed-up-for-life territory." Even so, he was thinking that there wasn't that much harm in it. There was those times when they had all started puberty that him and his roommates would take off all their clothes and compare penis size among other things. It would be just like then, only with his dad.

"Nudity is natural..."

"FINE! I'll do it." Anything to prevent Lucius from rambling on about some neo-hippie peace and love crap. To think, he was one of Voldemort's most badass Death Eaters. Draco just couldn't figure it out. There was nothing intimidating about his father when he was like this. Although, there were times when he would get spooky, but it was all just an act.

"That's my boy," Lucius said happily, posing in front of the mirror. His body positions were very evocative of romance novels, which made Draco chuckle as he pulled off his shirt to reveal a pale chest appropriately toned in Seeker style. Slowly his nipples began to harden from the sudden rush of cool...

Draco burst out laughing in the middle of his narrative for his strip scene in a romance novel. Of course his partner of choice wouldn't be his father, and he would be fashionably dressed in leather. But the thought still amused him all the same.

Once he was out of his underwear, Draco picked up his clothes and set them on his mother's vanity and turned to face his father who was already comparing their asses.

"So, now what?"

"Well, first thing I wanted to test was "response time". Your mother told me that it was supposed to take longer for me to get aroused now than when I was a teenager. Personally, I don't think so."

Draco's eyes widened in surprise. If his suspicions were correct the whole thing was about to get even more demented. Then again, they were both guys. Plus, sexual tension between them was zero since they were related. It really was just cold, hard (Draco laughed) science. Nothing more. "Okay, sweet. You got any PlayVeela mags?"

Lucius froze for a second and stared at his son. "I figured you were going to make more of a fuss about it. I'm glad to see you are finally acting mature."

"Like you said, I live with four guys most of the year. There isn't anything that I haven't seen or heard."

Lucius waltzed into his bedroom and returned moments later with a couple of magazines in one hand and a bottle of lube in another. "Just in case either of us feels like finishing our boners off afterwards," he said in response to Draco's raised eyebrow, tossing his son a nudie mag. "Don't look at it yet, wait till I'm comfortable and then we'll start."

Draco turned the cover over, wondering how in the world he had gotten into this situation. If someone had whispered in his ear as he was waking up that he would be popping a boner in front of his dad he would've told them that they had sniffed too much floo powder.

"Okay," Lucius said, sitting down on the vanity stool and opening up his magazine to the centrefold.

Draco followed suit and within seconds of ogling at the naked forms of the veela Draco was raging hard. "Umm, Dad," he said, looking down at himself.

Lucius looked over from his magazine, not even partially stiff, his eyes widening when the stopped on Draco's solid member.

"I think mum was right about the response time," Draco said tentatively.

Lucius looked disheartened, he dropped his magazine on the floor and ran from the bathroom. Presumably to go to his bedroom and sulk, maybe cry a little. Shrugging his shoulders Draco got dressed, grabbed one of the magazines and the lube and went to his own room. "My family is so fucked up," he muttered, suddenly hearing Lucius' moans of anguish flood the house.

"I really am getting old," Lucius sobbed, face firmly planted in his feather pillow. "I can't even get an erection in two seconds flat. This sucks."

Then an idea dawned on him. There was a way he could prevent himself from getting old.


End file.
